Chapter 16. Tuesday, July 19

Ranma dreamed… She was in the classroom and needed to do a math puzzle. It required her to draw a set of axes and align a human figure on them, somewhat like the Vitruvian Man, except that this figure was the Vitruvian Woman, and, in fact, that woman looked remarkably like Ranma-chan. She also realized that she needed to align it not just in two dimensions, but in three. There was a vertical axis and it needed to pass straight up through her; in through her vagina and out of the top of her head. The uterus needed to be at the origin point—it was clearly central. There was a building sense of meaning and significance, but before it could crystallize into something she could understand, a noise from somewhere else in the house woke her from her dream.

She could clearly hear some sort of commotion, and cutting through the noise she could also hear distant voices: first outraged yelling from Kasumi, then Nabiki, then Akane. There was an intruder in the house, and they were apparently attacking the girls. She could see the clock, which read 3:14 a.m. She briefly wondered if she was still dreaming and the time was really just a representation of the constant, pi, but another bang, closer this time, told her that no, this was really happening. She needed to do something.

Before she could get up, the door to her bedroom burst open, and in flew Happosai, the diminutive but ever-lecherous grandmaster of the Anything Goes Martial Arts school. “Panty raid!” he declared gleefully.

Happosai moved swiftly, throwing her room into disarray as he pulled drawers from her dresser in search of undergarments. After grabbing a handful, he turned to her laundry pile and, to Ranma’s horror and disgust, grabbed the soiled pair from the top of the pile. “Ooh, these look interesting!” he exclaimed, holding them up to his nose and inhaling deeply. Ranma was incensed at the violation of her privacy, coupled with other emotions like embarrassment and disgust. “Get away from my stuff, you pervert!” she shouted, leaping to her feet. She launched herself at Happosai, but he was too quick for her. He dodged her attack easily, cackling as he did so. “You can’t catch me, Ranma-chan! I’m too fast for you!”

And then he was gone, out of her window and across the rooftops before she could react. Ranma stood there, panting, feeling violated and helpless. She felt a tear roll down her cheek. This was too much. She felt so vulnerable, so exposed.

Lights had come on across the house as everyone was now awake and dealing with the aftermath of Happosai’s disgusting intrusion. She went out into the hallway, too, and saw Akane looking enraged, Nabiki annoyed, and Kasumi resigned. “How could he do this?” Akane was saying. “We need to call the police!”

A groggy Genma made an appearance and said, “Ah, Happosai-sensei… always with the hijinks.” He chuckled, saying, “I’m sure the Master didn’t mean any harm.” The Tendo girls glared at him. Soun had yet to make an appearance.

Ranma turned and went back into her room, shutting the door behind her. She didn’t want to engage with the old man. She thought she might just snap her father’s neck if she had to hear him keep making excuses for that disgusting little pervert.

She surveyed the mess the creep had left in her room and then began to put things back in order. The dresser drawers weren’t broken, at least, and she gathered up their spilled contents, put them back in the drawers, and returned the drawers to the dresser. By her quick count, she’d lost seven pairs of underwear and one bra. Her “dress up” drawer, full of items provided by Nabiki, had taken a hit, too. He’d taken a frilly bra and panty set, that, honestly, she didn’t think she’d have ever been in a mood to wear again anyway. She’d also lost a completely unopened three-pack she’d gotten from the vending machine. But it was the theft of the soiled pair that really galled her. She felt violated in a way she couldn’t quite put into words.

In the rest of the house, lights were being turned off and people were going back to bed. Since she was up anyway, she decided to head to the bathroom and change her pad. She wasn’t cramping right now, at least.

She was glad she’d decided to check as she found it was all a bit of a mess. She couldn’t help thinking that she’d been fine while lying down, but jumping up and trying to engage with Happosai had obviously jostled everything enough to cause a bit of a deluge. She cleaned herself up and put a fresh pad in place, then headed back to her room.

She’d calmed down a bit, but she was still pretty upset. The image of Happosai at her laundry pile was seared into her mind. Somehow, she’d make him pay for this. As she lay there, thinking about things she could do to the freak that might be an appropriate form of revenge, she fell back to sleep.

* * *

She woke from a dream where Happosai was holding an auction of stolen underwear and used feminine-hygiene products, the bidders being a motley collection of equally lecherous men, all eager to get their hands on the goods. To her horror, Genma and Soun were among the bidders, with the item up for auction being “a premiere collection of pre-soiled items from Ranma Saotome”. She woke up in disgust, and then almost wished she hadn’t, as it might have been good to see those particular two men face the reality of her womanhood.

She looked at the clock. It was still early, so she decided to lie there for a bit and try to get back to sleep. But the residual anger from the raid and its expression in her dream still smoldered within her. She couldn’t help remembering that both her and Akane’s fathers had apparently, in their younger days, been only too eager to join in with Happosai’s lecherous antics. Perhaps today, no, they wouldn’t be bidders if Happosai held such an auction, but it was hard not to feel that underneath the thin veneer of respectability, they still harbored those same desires. It made her feel sick to her stomach. Men are disgusting, she thought bitterly.

A small part of her tried to equivocate. Not all men, surely. After all, back when she had been Ranma-kun, even then she’d despised Happosai and his ilk. Yes, she’d—he’d—been kind of a jerk sometimes, and he was often oblivious to others’ feelings, but he was never like that. So there had to be a few other good ones out there. At that thought, a pang of guilt rose up inside her—Akane had found Ranma-kun, someone who was actually not that terrible, and then he’d been taken away from her. Maybe all the good ones are secretly girls. It was a ridiculous notion, but a part of her wanted to believe it.

Shaking her head to dismiss such thoughts, she got up and headed to the bathroom to freshen up. She used the toilet, initially wondering if things were perhaps coming to an end given the lack of evidence on the pad, but then she felt a small gush just as she was cleaning up. She sighed. It was still going; it was probably just that she’d been lying down and things had settled or something. She decided to take a (necessarily) cold shower to wake herself up and get clean. Despite being colder than she’d like, it did feel nice to have the water running over her body. Probably she was feeling the Jusenkyo curse enrobing her like she had in the bathtub earlier in the week. Whatever the reason, she felt better when she was done.

Wanting to avoid any accidents, back in her room she got new underwear and picked one of the lighter flow pads for now. It was one thing to use the bigger one overnight, but it seemed a bit of an encumbrance for daytime use. On the other hand, she felt pretty sure she was far from done yet. Pondering her options, she picked up one of the boxes of tampons that looked like it might be appropriate and read the instructions. The box claimed there were more details inside, so she opened it up and found a pamphlet. She read through it. Stand like this, insert like that, use the applicator to push it in, then remove the applicator and dispose of it properly. Change every 4–8 hours depending on flow. Wash hands before and after. Okay, that was fine. She could do that. Then she saw the box headed with “Warning: Toxic Shock Syndrome”. She read over the dire warnings. “Great,” she muttered to herself. “I bet if shaving cream killed men, they’d do something about it, but since it’s just women, it hardly matters if a few drop dead here and there!” She sighed, and tried to recover her perspective. Clearly, women weren’t dropping dead all over Japan with tampon-related medical calamities, so presumably if you followed the instructions and used common sense, you’d be fine. Probably.

She thought about asking Akane for help, but she hesitated for two reasons. For one thing, given that she’d already taken half the supply, Ranma knew that Akane preferred tampons, so she’d hardly be likely to say they were a terrible idea. But she also feared that asking her would push Akane into an awkward position, given that she was clearly pining for her beloved Ranma-kun. She worried that the thought of her using a tampon might push Akane over the edge. So she decided to just try by herself first. If she ran into trouble, she could ask for help later.

She went into the bathroom to figure it out. Of course, the instructions on the box and in the pamphlet weren’t nearly as helpful as they’d seemed. But with some fumbling and uncertainty, she managed to get the tampon inside her and the applicator disposed of. She washed her hands and looked at herself in the mirror. “Well, you did it, Ranma-chan,” she said to her reflection. “Not so hard, was it?” She felt a small sense of accomplishment. And, with the tampon in place, she thought she could understand why Akane preferred them; although inserting them wasn’t the nicest sensation in the world, once it was in place, she could barely feel it at all. The contrast to her experience with the bulky pad was night and day.

She went back to her room and got dressed for the day. She almost felt normal. She was still a little worried about leakage and considered adding a light pad as well, but she figured that if she changed the tampon every few hours, she should be okay. But she filled her bag with a variety of options and a spare pair of underwear, just in case.

“I’m Ranma Saotome, and I don’t let my period cramp my style!” she declared to herself in the mirror, striking a heroic pose that went far beyond what she’d actually seen in commercials. It was silly, but these moments of levity helped you get through things.

She headed downstairs and found Akane already eating breakfast. “Morning, Ranma-chan! How are you feeling today?” Akane asked evenly.

“Surprisingly well, actually,” Ranma replied, “I’m just thinking about what I’m going to do with Happosai’s skin, once I’ve removed it. If only P-chan were here, we could feed it to him.”

“But what do we do with his eyes?” Akane pondered, joining in on the torture theme, “Too big for earrings, I think, so perhaps just toss them into the bin in the bathroom? Or would the birds eat them?”

“You know that our fathers used to be his accomplices, right?” Ranma said darkly. “So maybe they shouldn’t escape retribution either.”

Akane nodded uncomfortably. She and Ranma had a moment of shared feeling. Men. Are. Disgusting.

At that moment, Ranma’s cramps started up again, a sharp pain that made her wince. She gritted her teeth and tried to focus on her breathing. Akane noticed immediately. You haven’t taken any ibuprofen, have you? she said with a look.

No, not yet, Ranma replied with a grimace.

Akane got up and fetched some water and the pills. She handed them to Ranma, who took them gratefully. “Maybe take them when you first get up next time?” Akane suggested gently. She rubbed Ranma’s back soothingly. “There, there, Ranma-chan. If it gets worse, maybe I can teach you some of those pressure-point techniques I use.”

Akane’s words caused Ranma to remember some of her own martial-arts techniques, and she tried turning her attention inward, focusing in on the cramps and then imagining that they were outside her body, on an icy mountain, far away from her, so distant, so cold and distant that she could barely feel them at all. The partial dissociation wasn’t a cure, but it helped a bit.

Ranma felt better enough to nibble on a light breakfast. Afterwards, she popped back to her room to fetch her bag. On the bed were two three-packs of underwear; exactly the same brand that she’d bought from the vending machine. It had to be Kasumi-oneechan, she thought. When had she bought them, she wondered? In a world with creeps like Happosai in it, it paid to be prepared, she supposed. She was touched by her kindness and forethought. Always looking after everyone else, Ranma thought. It was nice to be taken care of, but it also made her a little sad that Kasumi-oneechan never seemed to think about herself.

She checked her bag again to make sure she had everything she needed, then headed out the door with Akane for school.

* * *

Ranma had been worried because they’d left the dojo a bit late, but they made good time and arrived at the school gates with a few minutes to spare. Kuno was standing expectantly, a bouquet of flowers in his hands. Ranma felt a wave of anxiety wash over her. Oh, no, not again. Please, not today. As if her reproductive system felt its own displeasure at the encounter, a sharp cramp hit her lower abdomen, making her double over slightly. She wished she’d taken the ibuprofen sooner. In a deep cave, on a mountain top, in a faraway land, icy winds blowing, the snow clouds your view, so far away, so cold…. The dissociation technique worked a little better this time, and she straightened up again, wishing that Kuno might join her uterus on that distant mountain.

“No need to bow, my beloved Ranma-chan,” Kuno said grandly, sweeping the flowers towards her. “But I take the gesture to mean that the two of you have chosen and you wish to embrace me first!”

Ranma decided to put two things in her head together. “How can I embrace you,” she said, affecting a regal tone, “when my beloved Uterus is fighting bloody battles in distant lands? Take care, O Kuno-senpai, because the pain Uterus can inflict is legendary. I hope you and Uterus never meet because it would surely mean your death, or at the very least your imprisonment! Away! Lest you find yourself locked in some icy dungeon in a faraway realm where no one can hear your cries of anguish!”

“Rest assured, my dear Ranma-chan,” Kuno replied, bowing deeply. “If I see this Uterus, whoever he is, I shall fight him to the death, for your honor!” but he seemed to have decided not to make any further attempt to embrace her.

Akane grabbed Ranma’s arm and they continued their dash to class, leaving Kuno wondering who this mystery rival might be.

“You were playing that a bit close to the edge back there, Ranma-chan,” Akane said gently once they were out of earshot. “I mean, Kuno-senpai is dumb, but even he might have put that together. He still might, when he asks someone where the warrior named Uterus is to be found.”

“But it’ll be pretty funny if that happens,” Ranma replied, “and are people going to explain it to him, or just continue the joke?”

* * *

In school, it was another easy day. Although some of their teachers were done grading exams, others were apparently still frantically trying to finish, and both groups were setting makework for their classes. Like yesterday, there was more time spent on clubs and socializing than actual learning. The ibuprofen finally kicked in, and Ranma felt much better. She was able to let her dissociation technique take a backseat to the drug. She was able to focus on her work without being significantly distracted by cramps, and she didn’t have too much trouble sorting things out in the bathroom, although she was still figuring out exactly how long she could leave a tampon in before changing it. Too soon and it might be too dry and awkward to remove, but if she waited too long, there might be leakage. Or she might die from toxic-shock syndrome. Yay. She waited until lunch before changing it, and that seemed to work out okay; although she had also made a couple of visits to the bathroom before then just to be sure nothing had gone awry.

Ranma and Akane got two more exams back over the course of the day. One was Biology, where she was very pleased with her 78% and didn’t mind at all that Akane had done better. But she did feel it was an injustice when Akane beat her 82% in History. Okay, sure, Ranma-kun hadn’t always been engaged (or even present) in class, but she’d always liked learning about the past and knew most of the material pretty well already. She’d even stayed up late sometimes, hooked by a fascinating history book! Even though she hadn’t had a lot of time to study in the short time she’d been her true self, she had crammed pretty hard to make sure she had all those little details straight. Akane’s, “You did do well, Ranma, but I studied, too,” remark didn’t seem to do justice to the situation. Maybe she was wrong in assuming that Akane wasn’t into learning about feuds and battles and negotiations, but she was sufficiently annoyed by their grades that she didn’t bother finding out.

The day ended with another stint outside for PE class. Quite why they were doing this, given the heat and humidity, Ranma didn’t know, but she supposed someone thought it would be better than being cooped up in a classroom. This time, Akane was on her team again, and they were playing a game of capture the flag. Ranma found that she was in better sorts than yesterday, and was able to run around without too much trouble. She was still a little worried about leakage, but the tampon seemed to be holding up well, and she felt confident enough to dash around without worrying too much. The cramps were mostly gone—she did feel a slight twinge now and then, but nothing too severe.

After PE, she took a cooling shower, and it didn’t seem like any disasters had occurred, so she left things as they were. She caught up with Akane outside the changing room so they could head home together.

“Tampons,” Ranma announced proudly, “they’re certainly a thing!”

Akane was a bit taken aback. She’d thought it might take Ranma a while to get used to the idea of having a period at all and then more time to get fed up with pads before giving in and seeing if tampons worked for her. But here she was, having embraced them wholeheartedly on only the second day. “I’m glad you like them, Ranma-chan,” Akane said warmly. “I didn’t want to push you into anything you didn’t want to deal with, but, yeah, I think they make the whole thing a bit easier to manage.” She chuckled, “I suppose I shouldn’t have been surprised you moved onto them so quickly, you’re always the first to master a new technique.”

“I am Ranma Saotome of the Whatever Works School of Menstruation!” Ranma declared grandly. “Our adepts master all techniques, from pads to tampons to menstrual cups! No flow too heavy, no cramp too severe! We conquer all!”

They both burst out laughing at the absurdity of it all. Ranma felt a warmth in her heart. This moment, the joy of friendship and shared experience, was something she would treasure. She put out her arm to stop Akane for a moment and looked at her seriously. “Akane-chan, I— I—”, she wanted to say, I love you, but the words caught in her throat. Instead she settled for, “…want to thank you, Akane-chan. For everything. If you hadn’t realized on Saturday that this was coming, well, I’d have been so unprepared. You saved me. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”

Akane looked at Ranma-chan. God, she was adorable. “You’re welcome, Ranma-chan. I’m just glad I could help. You’re my bestie, after all.” She hesitated for a moment, then added, “And don’t get bent out of shape at that word, there’s nothing better than a bestie, and I love how close we are. I hope we’re still besties when we’re 90 years old in a retirement home together.”

Akane was amazed at herself, she’d thought she’d threaded the needle perfectly this time, expressing her feelings without implying a preference for either Ranma-chan or Ranma-kun.

Ranma could have kissed her in that moment, but it was starting to rain and they really needed to get home before it poured. “Besties forever, Akane-chan,” she said softly. They resumed their walk home, quickening their pace, feeling closer than ever.

* * *

Once they got home, Ranma sorted things out in the bathroom (she found that she’d cut things a little close, but everything worked out fine, except for a moment of panic when she couldn’t find the string and thought it had somehow vanished inside her). In the dojo, she insisted on acting as sensei with Akane, showing her some new moves and having her practice then. Ranma continued to be impressed by just how good Akane was; as Ranma-kun, she’d always been a bit dismissive of Akane’s skills, but Ranma-kun was an idiot. Ranma-chan could see just how talented Akane really was.

Dinner was uneventful, and the rest of the evening passed without incident. At bedtime, Ranma debated whether to stick with the tampon or go back to the pad for the night. Still a tiny bit nervous about toxic-shock syndrome, she decided to go with the pad. She installed one of the heavier overnight pads and got ready for bed. As she lay there, she felt a small twinge of cramp, but it was minor and the ice cave was easy enough to call to mind to dissipate it. She drifted off to sleep, feeling content and happy.